For this week’s roundup of student comments on our writing prompts, we asked teenagers if they have ever felt embarrassed by their parents, what their style choices says about their personality and if they believe social media is an accurate reflection of people’s lives.
Thank you to all those who joined the conversation, including teenagers from Columbia, S.C.; Rio Americano High School in Sacramento; and Oceanside, N.Y.
Please note: Student comments have been lightly edited for length, but otherwise appear as they were originally submitted.
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Have You Ever Felt Embarrassed by Your Parents?
Credit...Illustration by Melinda JosieIn honor of our Second Annual Personal Narrative Writing Contest, open for submissions now through Nov. 17, we’re taking a look back at some of last year’s winners as inspiration for our writing prompts.
This question was based on the winning essay “Nothing Extraordinary” by Jeniffer Kim about a moment when she felt ashamed of her mother — and what she learned about herself from it. Jeniffer’s essay resonated with many students, who wrote about their own embarrassing moments and their insights from them.
Know Thyself: Learning from Embarrassing Moments
My parents always participate in our synagogue’s Purim spiel. A Purim spiel is a musical skit about the holiday purim’s story that puts a pop culture spin on it. I was so embarrassed in the audience watching them sing and dance. At the end though I realized that they were happy doing that and it wasn’t really directly affecting me. I stopped being embarrassed of their antics after that because I realized that I was making everything about me unnecessarily. My cheeks used to flush red while watching my parents sing about Mordechai and Hamen to the tune of Hamilton songs, but I have learned to just cheer them on in what makes them happy.
— Zoe L., J.R. Masterman School
I always felt embarrassed with my parents around because they weren’t like my friends’ parents; due to the fact they are from the Philippines and have different morals. But as I grew older, my eyes opened up to see that these “embarrassing” moments are ways to show they care and are invested with our lives. All they want is the best for us and I started to see it. I take my time spent with my parents for granted as we should all cherish every single second of it.
— Geo Esmalla, Glen Ellyn, IL Glenbard West HS
My dad and I have always been adrenaline junkies and thoroughly enjoy any amusement park or carnival ride. My dad and I made plans to go to my town’s carnival on a Friday night. After riding the most thrilling ride, I spotted a girl from the field hockey team and her boyfriend. I quickly ditched my dad’s side to go talk to them. She attended the public school and was what I viewed as a cool kid. While talking, she looked over my shoulder and spotted my dad. Without thinking, I spat out that he forced me to come with him and added an eye roll for good measure. My dad’s response and glance at the floor indicated he had overheard me. My stomach immediately dropped and I was so ashamed of my excuse. I knew deep down that I wanted to be there with my dad and that I was honestly having a fabulous time. That day forth, I swore to never risk other’s feelings just to protect my own appearance.
Seeing Clearly Now: The Benefit of Hindsight
One example of how my dad embarrasses me is that he used to tell me every day to cut my hair because it was very long. He annoyed me and embarrassed me all the time by bringing it up because I didn’t see it as a big deal at all. Looking back on it though as I have now after a long 4 years cut my hair I realized that my dad was just looking out for me. He just wanted the best for me. College baseball coaches wouldn’t even look at me if I had the long hair I used to have. He knew that was something that I cared about a lot and wanted me to be able to pursue baseball in college. So yes it was embarrassing but looking back on it I appreciate that he was only doing it in my best interest.
— Tyler Cinamon, Oceanside, New York
One situation when my dad embarrassed me was when I went to my first high school party as a freshman and he insisted on walking me in and meeting the parents that were home. Some thoughts that were running through my head were “I’m 15 and in high school, I’m way too old for this,” “I bet no one else’s parents are doing this,” “maybe it would just be better if I went home,” and “I’ve never done anything bad why on earth can’t he trust me?”. These thoughts definitely caused me to feel nervous and uncomfortable as well as angry. Looking back on this situation, though, I realize that my dad was just trying to protect me and it really wasn’t as big of a deal as I made it. This also made me realize that I’m often too controlling in stressful situations and I should really take a step back and evaluate the problem and how I’m feeling before I react.
Parents are something you can’t escape. No matter how embarrassed or ashamed, they made you who you are today. 6th-grade play. I was a princess in “The Little Mermaid.” As we head out, I try to find my parents. Trying to scope them out of the crowd, I hear a familiar shout. My dad. “That’s my girl!” he says, pulling me into a suffocating bear hug. I could feel everyone steering their eyes onto me. I felt my cheeks turn red as I squirmed uncomfortably. At the time, I didn’t realize how blessed I was to have two loving parents that had the time to even come and support me. But now I do.
This specific time, the kids around me were talking about what their parents do for a living. All I seemed to hear was doctor, pharmacist, business owner, all professions that were better than my mother’s, who worked at a dry cleaners. My turn came, and I nervously said “Oh um, well she owns a business.” They all asked me follow up questions so I lied and lied, because I was embarrassed of my mom not being a “professional” of some degree. I was embarrassed of my hard working immigrant mother, who would go into work late to make sure I was dressed and ready for school. As I am older, I look back and realize how crazy I was for lying about my mother who went above and beyond for my siblings and I. Now, I explain how proud I am of my mother for working countless hours to make sure I get to say I have a degree in a high paying field.
If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them: Laughing Along With Your Parents
Whether it was playing music too loud when they dropped me off at school with the windows down, dancing extra funny in public, or calling my name super loud where everyone can hear, all of these actions were made in a lighthearted way. Although feeling your face get hotter and hotter, or forcing an awkward laugh out to make a situation less awkward is not ideal, I have learned many things from being in embarrassing situations caused by your parents or even more common, by yourself. The main lesson I have learned was to be able to laugh at yourself and others. I have also learned to just enjoy every moment and embrace the fact that nobody is perfect and we all are going to mess up at some point, so why not make the most of it.
— Jennifer Fox, Glenbard West High School
From awkward interactions with waiters and waitresses to dancing to the music at Target - my Dad usually being the culprit- my parents have definitely made me cover my face in shame many a time. My mom does have her moments as well, often gossiping to her book club about my past failed relationships or whatever the scoop is that week … In the past I wished for them to stop and try to act “normal” but I now realize that there is no fun in that. If my parents way of embarrassing me is by acting silly and having fun, I might as well join in. Life is too short to be “too cool” for your parents. Any amount of time spent with family is spent well.
— Celia, Glenbard West Highschool
There’s two types of feelings that I would connect with feeling embarrassment. It’s the feeling that makes you want to crawl into a ball and not face anybody but there’s also a part of me that loves it. My parents are the most extroverted people you could ever meet. They’re comfortable with new people and people they’ve known for years. My dad is a ball of energy. Whenever go to stores, or restaurants, or even church he’ll make jokes and at first like they catch you off guard but they’re hilarious … My mom is someone who will sing anywhere. She loves to sing and she don’t care if anyone thinks she sings bad … When I was younger, my initial reaction would be to get mad or like I’d just be annoyed and now it’s just perfect. Honestly it’s something so funny that I just cherish those moments with them and that’s who they are so I accept it. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. It’s embarrassing but I love it. These humiliating moments are also very special ones.
Whenever they embarrass me I get annoyed and wonder why they have to do this. During these times I often think to myself, “why can’t we just act normal?” But I’ve realized that acting “normal” would lead to a boring life. My parents are two of the funniest people I know and I’ve come to realize that I take after them, as my friends and I like to embarrass each other as a joke. In other words, being embarrassed once in a while can really help shape your personality beneficially. Whether that be humorous, confident, etc. It teaches you to let go and just laugh about it.
Maybe It’s a Phase: Understanding Why You Feel Embarrassed
As young children we value affection and security over all other needs because we are at a physical and psychological stage where these are of the highest necessity, but as kids grow, they develop the understanding that there is a need for independence and the development of a social identity, so they reject association with their parents, seeing it as something that holds them back from independently fitting into society. This phase in life where a person’s need for social esteem outweighs their need for parental affection allows for the development of personal identity and for children to become independently functioning members of society. We need to go through a time when we are embarrassed of our parents to avoid lifelong dependency upon them and to provide society with contributing members.
— Emma Parker, Bryant High School
Sometimes our parents don’t do anything to outright humiliate us, but it’s the feeling that our parent might try something and make us look bad in public that causes us to avoid them like the plague in public. I think parents notice that their kids get embarrassed around them and do things on purpose just to mess with them. Parents just love their children and want to show that love out loud but teens are still growing and going through that whole “I need to look cool” phase, and for some reason it involves trashing their parents and avoid being seen with them to avoid their mom saying I love you in front of everyone. it’s just a part of growing up.
— Holly Coppola, Lubbock Cooper High School
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What Does Your Unique Style Say About You?
In “My Mustache, My Self,” an essay for The New York Times Magazine, Wesley Morris writes about how growing a mustache during quarantine led him to an exploration of his Blackness.
We asked students to study their own reflections and then tell us if what they wear and how they present themselves reveals something deeper about their identity, personality or values. Many took a thoughtful approach to the question, exploring the relationships between style and identity, judgments and confidence, and staying home and feeling comfortable.
Personal Style as an Expression of Identity
My style is kind of all over the place, it can go from bright clothes that fit really well to dark blues, blacks, and greys that hang off my body two sized two big. A lot of the time people look at me and get confused. I hear that the way I dress just makes no sense, but my ‘style’ of clothing cannot be put into just one category. One of the things that I wish people would recognize about me is the fact that I have multiple pronouns. Not only am I okay with being called she or her, but also they/them and he/him. I like to consider myself really Androgynous, and I like to reflect that in the way I dress. I want to be able to express the way I feel through my clothing and feel comfortable in my choices. I haven’t once this year thought “is this what everyone else is going to be wearing?” and I’m proud to say that it hasn’t crossed my mind.
I definitely incorporate my cultural and religious identity in my style, being a Muslim girl, I choose to dress modestly but that doesn’t mean it takes the fun out of styling or wearing clothes, yes, it can be pretty hard to style clothes modestly in summers but lets just winters is my happy place just because of that reason. When it comes to incorporating culture-that’s when I get uncomfortable- lets just say, it’s pretty tough. Obviously as a teenager I try my best to be myself but that calling for “fitting in” just doesn’t help. But this year, during quarantine I’ve learned to appreciate my Pakistani culture and actually started to not care for anything and made my cultural clothes a part of my “unique style.”
— Nawera Salman, Glenbard west high school
I don’t really have a particular style; except for my socks. Over the past five or six years, I have been steadily Increasing my Crazy Sock Collection. They can be anything from Captain America, Kool-Aid, Bob Ross, and Bees. I like to wear my socks because they’re something that makes me stand out. I’ve been made fun of for wearing my socks, and even got in trouble one time in football for accidentally wearing the other team’s color. But throughout the period I have worn them I have slowly become known as “the guy with cool socks”, and like that mantra. My socks give my apparel a little splash of inanity, and an insight into my personality
— Brady Jacobs, Lubbock, Texas
Looks Can Be Deceiving.
People often misperceive me to have an “unapproachable” or “angsty” attitude because of my style choices. Though my style consists of ripped jeans,old band t-shirts, and roughed-up black vans, my personality is quite the opposite of this “angsty” appearance, for I believe myself to be a friendly and loving person. My whole life I have always been the kind of person to sit next to the kid sitting by themselves at lunch and always welcoming and warm to anyone I meet, which greatly contrasts to my dark and grungy wardrobe. However, people in today’s world have the automatic response to analyze and characterize a person based off of looks and style choices; I wish for the people who assume my character by a single glance to know that I am a friendly person willing to have a friendly conversation with, not an unapproachable judgy teenager.
— Riley Higgins, Maury High School, Norfolk, VA
Clothing Can Give You Confidence …
To a lot of people fashion is a waste of time, and though I understand that I have to disagree. Clothing can help express so much, it can tell people how you’re feeling or the type of energy you give out, it’s also a huge part of many peoples culture. Clothing helped me so much because it gave me confidence, as a teenage girl it’s something I’ve always struggled with, but if I take the time to put together a look I know I will feel good in I feel a total shift in my day, it gives me motivation to do good things and to leave my house. Fashion is something that allows people to express so much, in other words, people speak through their clothing, if I’m having a bad day there’s a good chance you’ll find me in sweats, but if I show up in jeans there’s a good chance I’m prepared to conquer the world that day.
— Anna Davenport, Glenbard West HS
My choices of what I choose to wear, as far as my clothes, shoes, accessories, and makeup all revolve around how I see myself as a person. I see myself as an empowering, strong, independent young woman who is ready to change the world. I think about my looks and what I wear constantly. My clothes such as my shirts and pants are always bold, but not too bold; I want to be noticed but not in the wrong way. My shoes are mostly closed-toed, because I am always on the go, I need to be able to move fast. With my makeup, I strive for a natural look. I am always on my toes, I want to be able to look presentable at all times no matter who is watching me. My clothing is a symbol of what I aspire to be one day. My style is very important to me, it sets the tone for what I want my day to be off, and hopefully my life. My style is everything to me, if I don’t have my style, I don’t have my identity.
… or Make It Feel Elusive.
People judge other people based on their style ALL the time. I almost always find myself comparing the way I dress to the way other people dress, and caring what people think of me. I try to remind myself to be confident, but in our society today, it is so hard. This is why I experiment with new styles, trying to find something I like. I normally just pick out something I feel comfortable in, like hoodies, but sometimes I’ll do something I haven’t done before. What matters to me is that I still feel like myself after trying a new style. I suppose this does say something about my identity, even though I am still trying to figure it out like many other people.
— Anna C., Columbia, South Carolina
When I wake up every morning, It takes me a great deal of time to choose what to wear. It’s the fact that my mind can’t decide what is appropriate for the environment I am going to be in and how I may be judged by others. Whether this specific brand or type of clothing is out of style or its just not “cool” enough, my thoughts race through every possible outcome of wearing just one article of clothing. Just one. This phase took away from my self confidence. I felt the need to conform to the trends of society in order to be accepted and feel included. My style wasn’t mine, it was the style created that I needed to abide by that made me think I looked like the best version of myself. Was it the best version of myself? Today after looking back I would say no because I have learned that what I wear expresses my character and I can make a strong statement about who I am and what I believe in through an article of clothing or accessories. I don’t feel the need to dress nice everytime I walk out of the house.
The Impact of Quarantine
Before the pandemic, I remember waking up everyday for school and stressing about what outfit to wear. I focused very heavily on my appearance, fixating on what others might think about my choice of pants or makeup, etc. As I walked through the halls, the thought of if I looked good in that moment was always in the back of my head. As quarantine began, the months stuck at home started to become tedious and long, with most days merging into each other, feeling like nothing has changed. But one thing did — I slowly started to realize the clothes I felt confident in and truly wanted to wear. I began to create my own style, based on what I liked to wear, not what I thought others would like me to wear. As I did this, I noticed changes in my confidence and self-love. Quarantine has highlighted the importance of not caring what others think and embracing your own unique, and lovely sense of style. I soon realized that it was all in my head, that most teenagers are too fixated on their own insecurities to notice mine. If school goes back to normal, I can expect to be stressed some days from the workload or lack of sleep, but I am sure I will walk into school and not doubt myself and my choice of style.
— Angie Stevens, Rio Americano High School
I think I have a unique style, at least compared to the people I acquaint myself with. I notice I used to carry a flashy vibe especially when it comes to shoes. My style now has been heavily affected because of the pandemic, because I don’t really go out as much (online school) . I’m usually wearing comfortable clothes. Because of this pandemic I haven’t worn any new clothes or my favorite outfits. It makes me a little disappointed to know I can’t completely express myself as I would on a normal school day or weekend.
My style has not changed much during the pandemic. I mostly just wear athletic clothes because they are comfortable and I do a lot of sports. I am doing school online, but I personally don’t like to wear pajamas and be under a blanket the whole day, because I like to feel like everything is somewhat normal, and doing school in my pajamas is not. Also, I think that getting dressed in the morning gets me more energized for the rest of the day, and wearing pajamas makes me not want to take school as seriously.
— Judah Meyer, JR Masterman School, Philadelphia, PA
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Can We Judge Happiness By Looking at Social Media?
In our Picture Prompt, “Our Lives on Social Media,” we asked students to respond to the image above from the article “Is Everybody Doing … OK? Let’s Ask Social Media” by sharing their own experiences and thoughts on social media as a barometer for public mental health.
We heard from some students who saw social media as a helpful tool for gauging the public as well as from others who believed it to be anything but an accurate reflection of our lives. And then there were those who questioned whether social media itself might be to blame for our collective unhappiness.
A Window Into Our Well-Being
I have witnessed people getting mad over an issue more than seeing posts that show any glance of positivity. Tweets about politics, posts of people doing stupid stuff and getting flamed for doing so, etc. are key examples of such. This is however my own personal experience so I can’t really speak for everyone. However, if researchers pull out the statistics and reveal that the majority of people on social media are experiencing what I’m experiencing, then I think it is safe for them to assume that the majority of society, not society as a whole is to be judged as sad, worried, angry individuals. 2020 has been a terrible year for the majority of us so I find it unsurprising that this article reveals that the majority of people on social media are unhappy. If researchers concluded my mood just by looking at my feed, they would show me as unhappy which is somewhat true.
Due to the pandemic, many took to social media to talk to their friends and post about what they were doing during the quarantine and time spent away from school. People would share how they felt about certain topics during this time, although there were positive things happening this year there were also many negative things happening throughout this year. When it comes to peoples’ feelings and emotions many do not lie on social media, they tell their friends and followers how they feel. I do think that using social media to look at peoples’ mental health is accurate. School for many young people was spent socializing and even though we can communicate online, it is very different than talking online. What I see on social media is many people being melancholy: having a gloomy state of mind. On social media every day I see something negative that has happened. This year has seemed too negative and there aren’t many positive events occurring that happen or people post about on social media. I do think that the data being gathered is accurate …
— Nilton Aguirre, Glenbard West High School
Although what you can analyze from posts social media posts cannot sufficiently represent the likes of an average day for any individual, as illustrated by Tara Westover in her 2019 commencement address “The Un-Instagrammable Self,” certain shifts in one’s mood can become acknowledgeable through their social media habits. I, along with a few friends, have not recently posted anything on any social media platform; however, the absence of activity on social media sites is in itself a unique behavior that demonstrates a depreciation in mental health. In other words, if someone doesn’t post, on social media, pictures of themselves having an unforgettable time, then they probably don’t have anything they could post to begin with … [T]he absence of social media activity is much more descriptive of one’s behavior than what they share itself. If, as proposed by the prompt, researchers were to analyze my recent feed, they could quickly jump to the conclusion that I have nothing positive to post. That, according to my perspective, is a perfectly reasonable and accurate assumption.
— Scott Dastrup, Glenbard West High School, Glen Ellyn IL
It’s Not What Meets the Eye.
Social media should in no way shape or form act as a barometer for the emotional wellbeing of any individual. The content posted on social media can be altered to depict the best version of the event, creating a false sense of reality for many who view the post. Therefore trying to interpret an individual’s emotional state based on the content they share through social media would lead to false and unreasonable claims. Personally, I do not share many things through my social media. Limiting my participation on the platform eliminates any confusion and interpretations people may have surrounding my emotions. Additionally, I feel that the lack of physical communication that exists within social media prevents effective communication and the true understanding of individual feelings.
— John Guerrera, Farmington, CT
I think it is unfair and often completely incorrect to base the feelings of the masses only upon the way we represent ourselves on social media. Social media — for the most part — is used to show all the best parts of our lives … Social media holds too many fake smiles and over exaggerations to even consider it fair to base the feelings of the masses off social media alone. One must take into account all the things that we want to hide. The things that are less beautiful that we don’t want to be shown to the public. These things are what will truly embody our overall feelings, but these things are what we often try to make invisible.
[W]ho wants to look at someone’s “feed” if it’s all sad? I surely wouldn’t. If you were to scroll through my social media you’d assume that my mental health is pretty average, and thankfully that’s true. However, i know so many people that post way more generally positive content then I do and they are absolutely miserable. This is actually pretty sad and i hate to think that researchers use these tiny boxes of pictures with captions that took 15+ minutes to gauge the happiness of today’s teenagers, because as a teenager I can tell you, not everything or everyone is picture perfect. People tend to fake their own happiness, in order to seem like they are having the time of their life. Fake it till you make it right? In conclusion, there is no way to see behind the screen of the people that are hurting the most but smiling the brightest.
— Olivia Samarripas, Lubbock Cooper High School
The Medium Is the Message.
Social media has taken this generation by storm across the past few decades. For me personally, apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and VSCO became extremely trendy and popular throughout the beginning of my middle school years … In general, I feel as though it is difficult to tell the collective happiness as a society through social media because there are many barriers between was is posted online and what is real life. The media and the internet have opened up possibilities to communicate and gain support from others, but at the same time created self-esteem issues, false realities, etc. all of which may not be seen by others.
— Emma Plickys, Farmington, CT
In my opinion Social media is the root of all evil. It encourages the younger generations to forget about who they truly are and adapt their life and how they portray it in order to get the most likes or followers. In other words social media has created a generation of frauds who depend on likes in order to feel happy, and this just isn’t healthy. In my experience I have spent a great deal on Instagram and Snapchat scrolling through, and I find a multitude of hate comments and bullying being done in the comment section of unpopular peoples posts … I think this is something that needs to change, social media is a platform for opinions and free speech. Instead, social media has turned into a fashion show of the fake, edited lives of the popular and rich.
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